


The Dark Lord's Offer

by UAs_Fics



Category: South Park
Genre: F/M, Mild Language, One-Shot, Stick of Truth AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-19
Updated: 2018-09-19
Packaged: 2019-07-14 12:19:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16040354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UAs_Fics/pseuds/UAs_Fics
Summary: The Dark Lord has Bebe kidnapped so he can make her an offer for power.





	The Dark Lord's Offer

* * *

* * *

Bebe was not fond of being on the sharpen end of a spear. She had spent years training to be the one at the other end, but for this time only, she allowed herself to be lead down the echoing halls with a spear at her back.

The tower smelt of death and rot. She could taste it in the back of her mouth. Her stomach turned in protest of the sickening stench. How much of the smell came from the undead and disgusting inhabitants, and how much came from necromantic magic of the Dark Lord, she wasn’t sure.

The vampire in front of her held up her hand as a signal to the ogres flanking Bebe to halt. A tall door towered in front of them. A faint, cold breeze squeezed under it and pressed against Bebe's ankles. 

The vampire slipped inside, shutting the door behind her. 

With the smartest of her capturers gone, Bebe eyed her surroundings with worry. The hall ended at this door. Shards of broken bone littered the floor. Some of the larger pieces looked as though they had been chewed on. 

_Maybe the Dark Lord is a dog._ Bebe scoffed to herself. 

As if hearing her thoughts, one of the ogres picked up larger piece of bone and stuck it between its teeth. She wrinkled up her nose at that.

Ogres were such wretched creatures: simple minded, ugly, smelly, violent, and strong. They followed who ever had the most power. It was no wonder every ogre from all around the lands heeded the Dark Lord's call. There was nothing more powerful than The Stick, and they knew it.

Amongst the stark white shards, something glinted in the light from the wall torches. Bebe fixed her gaze on it.

An arrow head. 

She glanced between the ogres flanking her before letting out a gasp and falling to her knees.

"Oh, dear!" She cried in faux pain. "I feel suddenly faint. It must be the stench!" Bebe made sure her hand fell on the arrow head.

"Up!" The ogre ordered. "Up, now, or we stab!" It raised its spear threateningly.

Bebe rolled her eyes, clenching her palm around the arrow head. She stood before sneaking it into her pocket. 

"I feel better, thank you for asking." Bebe muttered. She fingered the head a moment. It wasn't as sharp as she had hoped, but there was just enough of the shaft that she could use it as a makeshift dagger if things came to that.

The vampire opened the door then. She nodded to the ogres, who took a step back.

"His Darkness will see you now. Don’t think about trying anything. He is much stronger than you, mortal." The vampire hissed, holding open the door for Bebe.

Bebe squared her shoulders, puffed out her chest, and marched in, the door creaking closed behind her. The breeze blew her cape back. She must have looked particularly heroic at that moment. Good. She wanted this Dark Lord person to be wary of her power. 

Shadows shrouded the Dark Lord's throne. Only his knees and stylish purple boots could be seen. He tapped his left foot as Bebe strode up to his throne.

"Why have you kidnapped me?" She demanded before he could speak. "Once my fellow warriors realize I'm missing, they will come. Hell hath no fury as a woman's wrath." She glowered at the darkness.

A rumbling laugh echoed around the throne room. The Dark Lord stood and stepped into the light. Bebe's eyes went wide.

Clyde Donovan smiled at her and held out his arms. It was meant to be a warm smile, but everything about it felt fake.

"Welcome to my tower, Bebe! Sorry I had to have someone escort you, but I didn't want your friends here. You understand, right?" Clyde stopped in front of her. He cranked his head down to look her in the eyes.

The last time they'd seen each other, Clyde was barely the same height as she was. He was a short and stocky, even a little chubby, man, very different than he was now. He towered over her with broad shoulders and a trim body. His eyes, once a warm brown, where now a crimson red. Deep, dark bags sat under them. Bebe wondered when was the last time he had slept.

"Clyde?" Bebe's mouth gaped. "You're the Dark Lord? You stole The Stick?"

Clyde nodded once. "Yes! Isn't it amazing? I built this all, just me. That fat lard of a king was wrong when he said I was useless." A sharp, short laugh escaped his lips. "I showed him, didn't I?"

Bebe shook her head. This didn't make sense. Clyde was a little dense, not evil. He was kind and caring, not a monster who lead an army of the undead from a tower cloaked in night. 

"Why did you bring me here?" She asked slowly.

Clyde took another step, invading her personal space. His smiled never wavered, and she suppress a shiver. 

"To make an offer." Clyde put a heavy gloved hand on her shoulder and lead her to the large window overlooking his fortress. That must be where the breeze was coming from. 

"An offer?" She echoed.

He tried to slip his arm around her waist, but she shook him off. 

He gritted his teeth a moment before turning to the window. "We use to be something, Bebe. People envied us. The human warrior and the half-elf spear maiden. No one could stand a love like ours." He clenched his hand into a fist with a smirk. "There were people who would kill for what we had before you left for training."

Bebe pursed her lips and said nothing. His words held no lies. They had been Kupa Keep's power couple for years. Even the elf-hating wizard king had to admit he liked them together. When she received an invitation to train amongst the warrior women of the East, however, she couldn't pass that up. That was her dream, after all.

He turned toward her, his hand held out. "Let's be that again, Bebe. I need a queen beside me when I take over the land, and there is no one better for me than you." His smile spread across his face again, threatening to split him in two. "You deserve to be queen. You're the most beautiful woman in the world, and so strong and smart. Please, stay by my side and rule with me, Bebe."

Bebe's mouth felt dry. She ran her tongue around the inside, trying to sort her thoughts.

She couldn't abandon her comrades in arms. She took an oath to protect the weak and innocent. Even if she could leave, Bebe could never join the Dark Lord's army. She saw what they had done, the lives they took. 

A thought struck her.

The Stick of Truth made Clyde all powerful. If she could get it away from him, then, maybe, she could turn the tide of the war back in her side's favor, or even end it.

She took a breath. "Let me see The Stick first." She ordered.

"What?" Clyde took a step back, unease in his face. "Why?"

"I want to know if you really have it, for one." Bebe rolled her eyes. "And for two I want to see if it's as powerful as the myths say."

"Oh, it is!" Clyde reassured. "Just look what I'm able to do now!" He held his hand out the window, palm facing the horizon. A flash, then a blast of magic ripped from his hands onto the distance.

"You can use magic?" Bebe gasped, staring in shock. 

Clyde nodded. "I know, right? Me, a guy who has more dwarven blood in him than wizard, being able to do something so powerful? It's all because of The Stick."

"I still want to see it. Show it to me, babe." She pressed, tacking on the pet name as added incentive. 

Clyde pressed his lips into a line, eyeing Bebe up and down. She batted her eyelashes at him. After a moment, he made a ‘follow-me’ gesture with his hand and walked back towards the throne with Bebe on his heels.

Clyde spun around. The armor on his torso catching the small light from the torches around the room. 

"I'll let you see it, but you must stay at least ten paces away." He told her. Bebe nodded and took a few steps back. 

"Another two." Clyde said, and Bebe obeyed. He reached pull his under shirt from his pants then began to fiddle with the buckle of his belt.

Bebe clenched her jaw. She knew Clyde well enough and prepared herself to snap at him for pulling his penis out and calling it 'The Stick’. No matter how powerful he became, Clyde was still Clyde at heart.. She snapped her mouth shut a moment before she could yell at him. 

The Stick's power could be felt even from ten paces away. The power to bend reality and change the basic rules of nature. Grant magic to the magicless. Turn back time and return the dead to life. 

"You...You keep the most powerful magical relic in the universe _down your pants?_ " Bebe's face cringed up in disgust. "By the goddesses, Clyde, what the fuck?"

Clyde smirk slipped into a genuine smile and a soft chuckle came from his lips. He shoved The Stick under his arm and rebuckled his belt.

"It's safe there, isn't it? What man--or woman, for that matter--is going to try and grab my dick midbattle?" Clyde shrugged. He paused a moment, then added, "Well, I think that barbarian the wizard keeps around might not have a problem with it. I've always had this feeling about him."

The rumors Bebe had heard pressed against her teeth. Clyde use to love listening to her gossip, even about people he didn't know. It was how they use to bond. Was that a lure to make her fall into a false sense of security? Possibly. Maybe if she flipped the tables on him, she could use it to her advantage.

"Yeah," Bebe laughed, "I've never asked him directly, but I heard that the paladin has seen Tweek sneaking away from camp with another man late at night. I have seen hickies and love bites on him as well, so there has to be _something_ to the rumor." 

Clyde's eyes widened. "Really? Who? I bet it Scott. It was Scott, right? I'm sure I've seen him checking out the knights as he's readied their mounts."

Bebe took a few casual steps forward. "No, I heard it was someone else, and honestly, I could totally see it with him swinging his lance that way, if you know what I mean."

"Who? Who? Do I know him? Think he's checked me out before?" He bounced on his toes, more like a giddy child than an evil warlord. "I know I look good to the ladies, but I've always wondered what guys think about me."

She was only a few steps away from Clyde now. Slipping her hands into her pockets, she gripped the arrow. 

"Oh, I'm sure he's eyed you before. How could he not? You're hot, baby," Bebe winked, making him beam with pride, "and he's had ample opportunity, since you two were such good friends."

Bebe watched as the gears turned in his head. Now that she was closer, she could see that the red in his irises faded just a little back to their original brown. 

"Oh my gods, it's Craig! I knew it! That's why he can't keep a girlfriend! He doesn't want one! I can't believe he never told me! We’re best friends!" He gasped, covering his mouth with the hand that held The Stick. 

Perfect.

Bebe whipped out the arrow and threw it like a dart at Clyde's wrist. His gloves were thicker than she expected, but the arrow did it's job anyway.

Clyde recoiled back. The force knocked The Stick from his hand to his feet. He stumbled back a step, kicking the relic across the floor by mistake.

When he realized what he had done, it was too late. Bebe was already on The Stick.

As her hand reached for it, Clyde screamed, "Bebe, don't touch it!" and threw out his arm. A beam of magic shot from his palm, hitting the top of her hand. 

She flinched back with a screech of pain. The cold numbness spreading across her hand did not deter her however. With her other hand, she wrapped her fingers around The Stick.

She heard Clyde yelling, pleading, with her to drop it. She felt the cold wind across her skin and the smooth stone under her knees. She tasted the death in the air and saw the flickering torches.

Then, all of it was gone.

Bebe stood in the middle of a village. She blinked once and looked around to find no one. She carefully walked forward, body tense and ready in case of attack. After a few moments, she relaxed. There was no one here.

As she searched around, she began to notice how strange, yet familiar, the architecture was. Two races built this village, just like the one she grew up in.

At least one of the races was elven, she could tell that. Elves wove nature into their homes. They used trees as supports and vines to hold the buildings together.

Unlike her village, the other race in this one was not human. The other race's architecture was too clumsy and haphazard. Random, large rocks held up sagging buildings. The masonry was ugly at best and down right dangerous at worst. 

Bebe froze. She heard something. Careful not to make any noise, she snuck towards the sound. She peeked around the side of a building and gasped.

A child sat curled up against a tree. Sobs shook their little body. In front of them laid two figures, each with an arrow protruding from their bodies. One looked to be an elven woman and the other a large male orc. 

Bebe dashed forward towards the child. 

"Little one," She crouched down, "are you hurt? What has happened here?" 

The child sniffled, but did not lift their head. "It's gone. They're all gone." They whimpered.

Bebe set her hand on the child's straw-colored hair and ruffled it gently. As she did, she noticed a slight point to their ears. The child was probably half elf then. 

She looked over her shoulder at the elven woman. As Bebe eyed the body, she realized something odd about her. The elf's hair was as red as the blood from her wound. 

That was another oddity to add to this strange place. Only the Elven royalty had hair that red. For a moment, she considered that the woman had a glamour on, but that couldn't be it. Glamours faded upon death.

Continuing to stroke the child's head reassuringly, Bebe turned her attention to the orc. Like all orcs, his face was ugly and misshapen, though perhaps slightly less so than the normal, and his hair was the same golden color as the child's. 

"It couldn't be," Bebe muttered to herself. Elves and Orcs hated each other more so than elves and humans. No way one would have a child with the other.

The child sobbed loudly, taking her attention back to them.

"Come on, please, stand up," Bebe bided softly. "I'm going to take you somewhere safe, alright?"

The child paused a moment, then asked, "You're going to help me?"

"Yes, I am, so don't cry." Bebe comforted. She held out her arms. She would carry this child away if she had to.

They seemed to consider her words for a moment before reaching out a thin arm. The second their hand touched her skin, the world burst into flames.

The sky turned black with ash. The smoke made her eyes water and lungs ache. Where there were only two corpses around her before, now were tens. The bodies of elves and orcs and hybrids of the two littered the ground all around. Some died from arrows, others from swords, and some more from magical wounds. Blood from all stained the ground.

A cold, dark laughter over took the sound of the crackling fires. The child's shoulders shook before they threw their head up. Their face contorted into a sneer, purple eyes flashing.

"You're not the heir," they taunted, "but you'll do to help me find them." Their fingernails dug into Bebe's flesh. No matter how hard she pulled, she couldn't break free.

"You and the chubby warrior. With you two, I can get back to where I am supposed to be! I can take my vengeance on those who dare remove me from my proper place! I'll find the heir!" The child cackled, pulling Bebe closer with surprising strength.

"No! Let me go, you hellspawn!" Bebe cried, driving her heels into the ground. "Let me--"

Then it was gone. 

Bebe sucked in a breath, her arm recoiling back. 

Clyde had torn The Stick from her hand, holding it at arms length away from her with his other hand on her shoulder. 

As the shock faded away, Bebe panted. She didn't know what that wase’d and would prefer to never experience it again.

Seeing her staring at him, Clyde dropped The Stick. It clattered to the ground and lay there, as if it were just a normal stick. He turned to fully face her, hands on her cheeks, looking her over with worried-filled brown eyes. He seemed shorter now. The fat around his face and chin had returned.

"Oh gods, Bebe, why did you do that?" Tears rolled down his face. "That thing is dangerous! It wants something, and will use anyone to get it!" 

"Clyde?" Bebe blinked. "Clyde, what's going on? What was that?"

"I'm sorry. I'm really sorry." He pulled her into a hug, stroking her hair. "That stupid thing, it corrupts you. It told me it could help me get revenge on the wizard, and I foolishly accepted."

"Let me help you." Bebe pushed back. She placed her hands on his cheeks this time. "If you abandon The Stick, you can come back with me. Let the Elf and Wizard kings destroy that wretched thing."

Clyde shook his head. His tears ran over the tops of Bebe's fingers.

"I can't. I'm too far into this. Please, Bebe, don't take my offer. Don't stay here in this place of death. Fight against me."

"Oh, baby," she muttered, tears pricking her own eyes. She locked eyes with his for a second, before leaning in to press a kiss to his lips.

The tension in his shoulders slacked as he leaned into it. Both their eyes slipped shut. 

She'd missed this. She'd missed him. Being strong enough to protect the people she cared about was important to her, but so was Clyde. Hell, he was one of the people she wanted to protect most.

She remembered how he cried like a baby the day she left, but he never told her not to go. He knew what the opportunity meant to her, and he wouldn't stand in the way of that. He loved her enough to let her go.

Clyde was a good, if foolish, man at heart. Seeing him so corrupted by anger and power made her chest ache. He would end up being killed, one way or another. Either by The Stick's evil magic or at the blade of the Dragonborn, there was no future for him if he remained the Dark Lord.

The kiss became more forcefully all of a sudden, stealing her from her thoughts. Her eyes snapped open and were immediately met with Clyde's smug red ones looking back at her. 

Bebe gasped and shoved him back. He reached out and grabbed her wounded wrist, holding it too tight. Struggling against his grip, she threw daggers at him with her eyes. 

Everything that wasn't 'Clyde' about him had returned in full force. 

"I knew you missed me. How could you not?" He jeered. "You still love me."

"No, I don't!" Bebe snapped. "I miss Clyde, I love Clyde, but who you are now isn't Clyde!" In a flash, she threw her free hand back then slapped him across the cheek. “I'll never stand by your side!”

The sound echoed throughout the throne room. Neither of them dare breathe for a heavy moment.

Finally, the surprise wore off Clyde's face. He turned a furious glare to her. He stood, yanking her to her feet, and dragged her to the door. He threw it open and shoved her out into the waiting arms of the ogres.

"I shouldn't have wasted my time with you, bitch." He snarled. "I'll let you go this time, but next time, I won't be so merciful." To the waiting vampire, he spat, "Take this ugly whore back to the tramp camp you found her at. She's useless to me."

Bebe turned, betrayal and anger and worry mingled across her face. After a beat, she settled fully on anger. This wasn't her Clyde anymore, and she would not allow him the satisfaction of knowing the true extent of what his words did to her.

"Fuck you, Clyde." She growled. "You're going to lose this war. The Dragonborn will defeat you. He's a stronger warrior than you can ever be."

Clyde glared at her. "Not when I have The Stick, he's not. He'll be begging for his life at my feet just like the kings, just like their greatest fighters, just like you." 

Bebe didn't reply, instead she began seething down the hall. The ogres froze, unsure what to do, before the vampire snapped at them to follow her. 

She expected him to keep goading her or call her names as she stormed away, but instead, he kept quiet and shut the door.

* * *

Clyde listened to the fading footsteps until they disappeared into silence. The moment he thought he was alone, the Dark Lord slumped against the door, slid down to the floor, and began to cry into his hands.

* * *

"Dear me," Princess Kenny placed her hand to her mouth, "that looks terrible." She put Bebe's hand in her lap, tentatively pressing her fingers against the discolored flesh.

The hand Clyde blasted had turned a sickly green and much of the fat and muscle under the skin melted away, leaving it almost completely skeletal and difficult to move. 

"Necrotic magic." The wizard king frowned. "If the Dark Lord can use it unaided like that, we're in deeper shit that I thought."

"Can you fix it?" Bebe asked. 

"I can try in the morning," he replied. "At the very least, I can make sure it doesn't rot off." He ran his hand through his hair with an agitated groan. "I must send a raven to the Elf King at once. He'll need to hear of this."

As he left the tent, Bebe heard him muttered under his breath, "Still can't believe the Dark Lord is Clyde fucking Donovan..."

Princess Kenny patted her hand again. "It'll be alright. Eric is a powerful wizard. He'll fix you right up." She smiled, the corners of her eyes wrinkling. 

"I suppose." Bebe replied dully. She shook her head. "I'm sorry. I'm tired. This is all too much. Clyde being the Dark Lord. The Stick having a will of its own."

"You said you had a vision of The Stick's wishes. Would you care to tell me about it?" Princess Kenny tilted her head. "Maybe we can figure out what it's intentions are together."

Bebe pursed her lips before retelling what she had seen. The princess' face went from intrigued to horrified to unreadable. 

Princess Kenny laced her fingers together before setting her elbows on her knees and resting her face against her hands.

"A village were elves and orcs lived and loved in peace. An impossible concept." She mumbled after a few moments of thought.

"Yes. I would never think such a place could be real." Bebe crossed her arms. "Or even that children of the two could exist."

"Love is persistent. It will always find a way." Princess Kenny smiled softly to herself. "It is the most powerful magic, and anyone can use it."

Bebe nodded in agreement at the princess' wise words. 

She remembered Clyde reverting back to his old self. Had his love for her been strong enough to overpower The Stick's corruption? It was a romantic thought that Bebe stored away to entertain later when she wasn’t so tired.

"The child, The Stick, said it was looking for 'the heir.' Do you think it meant the Dragonborn?" Bebe asked. "Could he be able to control The Stick without being corrupted by it?"

"Perhaps." Princess Kenny stood suddenly and clasped her hands behind her back. "That, however, I believe to be a riddle for us to solve tomorrow. For tonight, how about you go take a bath? I will be more than happy to help you wash your back. Help release all the tension in your shoulders." She winked flirtatiously at Bebe, making the other woman laugh.

"I must decline. I think I'd rather sleep. I'll need to report this all to Wendy tomorrow morning when she returned from the Elven camp." Bebe told her.

"Oh, poo." The princess gave a mock pout. "What a pity. Well, remember, my offer is _always_ open to you. Good night, my dear." She giggled then left Bebe's tent.

Bebe blew out her candle then laid down on her cot. She pulled her woolen blanket to her ears and settled in. 

The village inside The Stick flashed in her mind, burning and blood covered. The memory of Clyde's hand grasping her wrist played over her skin. His red eyes mockingly burning into her as they kissed was imprinted into her eyelids. 

She groaned and squeezed her eyes tight, as if she could force the whirling of emotions and memories to stop with such a simple action. 

Of course, nothing could calm her troubled mind, and Bebe spent the rest of her night fluctuated between an unease sleep and nightmares of the future.

**Author's Note:**

> Before anyone asks, YES, I technically do have a squeal for this written. When I'll get around to fixing it up and posting, I cannot say.


End file.
